Чтение и письмо: рецензия и переработка (редактура)
Слова урока · 4
- reviewer's comment /rɪˈvjuːəz ˌkɒment/замечание рецензента
- response to review /rɪˌspɒns tə rɪˈvjuː/ответ на рецензию
- accepted in part /əkˌseptɪd ɪn ˈpɑːt/принято частично
- declined with reason /dɪˌklaɪnd wɪð ˈriːzn/отклонено с обоснованием
Фразы урока · 2
- Answer each reviewer's comment: accepted, accepted in part, or declined with a reason — a response to review lists changes made and not made.Ответьте на каждое замечание рецензента: принято, принято частично или отклонено с причиной; ответ на рецензию перечисляет сделанные и не сделанные изменения.
- Accepted in part: the wording changed, the weight did not; declined with reason: the national average would hide the effect.Принято частично: формулировка изменена, вес — нет; отклонено с обоснованием: национальное среднее скрыло бы эффект.
Текст: «Рецензия на проект: замечания комитета»
Reviewer: committee clerk, on behalf of the committee. Comments numbered.
1. Summary. The summary states «the evening cut is the main local cause, with moderate confidence» but does not say what «local» means. Readers unfamiliar with the baseline will not understand why 34 % becomes «about 17 points».
2. Section 1. The comparison branch is described but its town is not named or sized. Please state population and whether it has a supermarket café.
3. Section 2. «Evening borrowers lapsed at 2.5× the daytime rate» — over what period, and how was «evening borrower» defined? The appendix table gives the figures but the text does not.
4. Section 3. The fee rise is described as «a substantial secondary cause, partly a communication failure». The phrase «communication failure» reads as a criticism of head office. Consider neutral wording.
5. Section 3. The café explanation is dismissed as «weak». Three of thirty-one callers cited it. Is «weak» the right word for one in ten?
6. Section 4. The stopping rule (8 % by June 2027) is stated but not justified. Why 8 %? Why June 2027?
7. Section 4. The recommendation gives an annual cost of £14,000 but no one-off costs (staff recruitment, publicity). Please add or state that there are none.
8. Section 5. Nineteen of fifty callers gave no reason. The report says this is a limitation. Could the nineteen change the conclusion? Please say.
9. General. The report uses «I» throughout. The committee's house style prefers «this report». Please consider.
10. General. Several figures appear with different precision in different places (34 %, «about a third», «a third»). Please standardise.
Задание
Напишите ответ на рецензию (response to review, 320–360 слов): по каждому из десяти замечаний — accepted / accepted in part / declined with reason — с указанием, что изменено в тексте (и где) или почему нет; для замечания 5 — обоснуйте выбор слова (proportionate); для 6 — обоснуйте 8 % и июнь 2027; для 8 — скажите, могли бы ли девятнадцать изменить вывод (worst case); для 9 — регистр: где «this report», где «I»; для 10 — правило точности. Закончите одной фразой о том, что не изменилось (the conclusion and its confidence), и номером новой версии.
Образец ответа
Response to review — draft report v2 → v3
1. Accepted. The summary now defines «local»: «the fall beyond the national trend of −12 % and the comparison branch's −15 % — about 17 points of the 34». One sentence added.
2. Accepted. Section 1 now names the comparison branch's town (population 11,200, against our 9,800) and notes that it also has a supermarket café, which is why the café explanation is tested against it.
3. Accepted. Section 2 now states the basis in the text: «evening borrower» = a member who borrowed on Tuesday or Thursday after 5 pm at least four times in the year to August 2023; lapse rates compared over the following eighteen months; 2.5× (38 % against 15 %). The appendix table is cross-referenced.
4. Accepted in part. «Communication failure» is replaced by «the wording of the January 2024 renewal letter, which announced the rise without explanation»; the weight — a substantial secondary cause — is unchanged, because six of nine fee-related lapses cited the letter.
5. Accepted in part. «Weak» is replaced by «minor»: three of thirty-one is one in ten, and the comparison branch, which also has a café, fell far less. The status «not excluded» is kept; the wording is now proportionate to the count.
6. Accepted. Section 4 now justifies both figures: 8 % is the fall in the six months after the cut, so recovery of that amount is the minimum consistent with the cut being the cause; June 2027 gives two full academic years from a September restart, which the comparison branch's seasonality shows is the shortest period that avoids a single-year fluctuation.
7. Accepted. One-off costs added: publicity £1,200; no recruitment cost, since existing staff cover the evenings on rota. Total first-year cost £15,200.
8. Accepted. Section 5 now states the worst case: if all nineteen silent callers left for reasons other than evenings, evenings would still be the largest single stated reason (14 of 50) but no longer a majority of stated reasons; the conclusion would weaken from «main local cause» to «the largest identified cause», and the recommendation would stand with the same stopping rule.
9. Accepted in part. Factual sections now use «this report» throughout; first person is retained in the conclusion («I conclude … with moderate confidence») and the recommendation, so that ownership of the judgement is clear, as the committee's own guidance on advice notes requires.
10. Accepted. All figures now appear once in full (34 %; −12 %; −15 %; 17 points) and thereafter as «about a third» only in the summary, with the exact figure in brackets on first use.
Unchanged: the conclusion that the evening cut is the main local cause, with moderate confidence, and the recommendation with its stopping rule. Version 3, dated 12 May, supersedes v2.
lightbulbОтвет на рецензию: каждое замечание — статус и конкретное изменение с местом; регистр — «this report» в фактах, «I» в выводе; сила слова — пропорционально счёту; правило остановки обосновать; худший случай для пробела; что не изменилось; номер версии.
Закрепите урок: упражнения со словами, фразами и грамматикой с проверкой и повторением.